I am angry.

I am angry because I cannot be myself.

I am angry because I will be told that my anger is not becoming for a girl.

I am angry because I have allowed others to affect my life and bring me down.

I am angry because I feel disappointed in myself when really I should be disappointed in you and YOU should be disappointed in you.

I am angry because I spend every day frozen by fear, a fear that was not directly caused by any one thing or any one person, and yet it is all-consuming.

I am angry because there are those who will say “yeah so I told a woman I’d murder her children over her statement of a fact, but that woman wasn’t you, so you’re just being oversensitive and stupid, ignore that what I did was neither an isolated incident nor socially acceptable.”

I am angry because it doesn’t just stop at threats: people are murdered over these non-transgressions.

I am angry that so many people are dead simply for having been born in a certain place or of a certain color.

I am angry that we look for excuses when there is no excuse, that we allow ourselves to fall prey to the fallacy that logic can always be found.

I am angry because my own freedom of speech is trumped by somebody else’s, logic be damned.

I am angry because I fully believe in the mission of democratizing publishing and yet I have to accept that that means the software I make can be used by others to squash my own will to continue to participate freely on the internet.

I am angry because in a comments section powered by that very software I give so much of myself to build, I am greeted with racial epithets directed at me.

I am angry because my withdrawal will be seen as a “win”, and the ensuing losses ignored.

I am angry because I collect inappropriate fan mail under the guise of laughter, but in reality I am collecting evidence.

I am angry that so many people are jerks, posting somebody else’s personal information without permission, wishing that others would be raped or murdered.

I am angry that other people are being cruel by way of attempting to deflect from those jerks, because they are too scared or brainwashed to simply denounce them.

I am angry because I am giving jerks what they want, because I am not a jerk to my loved ones and I absolutely will not put them at risk.

I am angry, and I am silenced.


4 thoughts on “

  1. Completely justified anger that is shared and repeated throughout the community. I am angry because of many of the same things – and even though I can’t repeat all of your statements, I can empathize and am angry all the same.

    I said once before that I won’t bow to the bullies who want people to remain silenced. I build the same software they use to spread hate, but I build it to empower the voiceless and show a way to refuse being silenced.

    I fight for a day no one will be/feel silenced.

  2. Belinda says:

    I just stumbled across your blog when I was looking at WP contributors. I think it’s great to be able to see woman contributing to WP core and such an inspiration to others in the community. I hope you can carry on contributing even when facing those horrible people who think it’s OK to insult you personally and woman generally. 🙁

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